52 Hysterical Tweets From July That I’m 99.99% Sure Will Make You Scream-Laugh In Public
1. The Classic Dilemma
“I just want to be rich enough to cancel plans without feeling guilty.”
2. Time Flies
“Being an adult is just saying, ‘But after this week things will slow down a bit,’ over and over until you die.”
3. Relatable Content
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of student loan payments.”
4. The Real Struggle
“Me: ‘I’ll just rest my eyes for a second.’ Me waking up 8 hours later in a panic: ‘Wait, what year is it?!’”
5. Modern Problems
“Why does the ‘skip ad’ button on YouTube always feel like a race against time?”
6. Food for Thought
“I hate when I’m eating a salad and it accidentally falls into a pizza.”
7. Tech Troubles
“The most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter is that they have magic but still use quills.”
8. The Ultimate Dilemma
“Do I run on the treadmill and feel like I’m dying or do I skip it and feel guilty all day? Decisions, decisions.”
9. Pet Problems
“My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.”
10. Procrastination Nation
“I could get so much done if I didn’t have to do anything.”
11. Fashion Faux Pas
“Wearing socks to bed is like wrapping your legs in tiny blankets.”
12. The Coffee Conundrum
“Coffee: because adulting is hard.”
13. Exercise Excuses
“I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so… close enough.”
14. Unexpected Surprises
“Nothing ruins your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.”
15. The Social Media Spiral
“Just spent 45 minutes deciding which filter to use. Now I need a nap.”
16. The Snack Attack
“Me: ‘I’m going to eat healthy today.’ Also me: ‘Are those donuts?’”
17. The Reality of Adult Life
“Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.”
18. The Daily Grind
“Remember when we used to complain about Mondays? Good times.”
19. The Internet Rabbit Hole
“Me at 2 AM: ‘Let’s watch one more episode.’ Netflix: ‘Are you still watching?’ Me: ‘Mind your business!’”
20. The Great Indoors
“Nature is great and all but have you ever tried not going outside?”
21. The Work Week
“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday.”
22. The Battle with Technology
“My phone battery lasts longer than my patience.”
23. The Daily Commute
“Why does traffic exist? Like, where is everyone going every single day?”
24. The Grocery Store Gamble
“Going to the grocery store hungry is the adult version of ‘Don’t go to the toy store without money.’”
25. The Email Overload
“My email inbox is basically a graveyard for unread messages.”
26. The Sleep Struggle
“I’m tired but I can’t sleep. I’m hungry but I can’t eat. Welcome to adulthood.”
27. The Fitness Journey
“Going to the gym so I can add ‘worked out’ to my list of daily accomplishments.”
28. The Perks of Home
“Why go out when you can stay in and have snacks?”
29. The Laundry Saga
“Laundry day is the only day I consistently wear pants.”
30. The Endless To-Do List
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
31. The Weekend Warrior
“Friday night: ‘Let’s party!’ Saturday morning: ‘Never again.’”
32. The Cleaning Chronicles
“Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.”
33. The Vacation Vibes
“I need a vacation. And by vacation, I mean I need to move away and find a new job. On an island. Far away.”
34. The Cooking Catastrophe
“Cooking is fun until you realize you have to clean up the mess.”
35. The Shopping Spree
“Shopping online is just adding things to your cart and then closing the tab.”
36. The Meeting Marathon
“Another meeting that could have been an email.”
37. The Adulting Agenda
“I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and pretending to be an adult.”
38. The Sleep Cycle
“Why does bedtime always turn into a recap of everything embarrassing I’ve ever done?”
39. The Office Life
“Work hard so you can afford to pay for therapy because you work hard.”
40. The Daily Diet
“My diet starts tomorrow. Or whenever all the junk food is gone.”
41. The Fitness Fantasy
“I bought a gym membership. Now all I need is the motivation to go.”
42. The Morning Routine
“Morning people are just night owls who haven’t stayed up late enough yet.”
43. The Relatable Rant
“I don’t need a mood ring. I have a face.”
44. The Weekend Wish
“When you realize the weekend is over and you didn’t accomplish anything you planned.”
45. The Productivity Paradox
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.”
46. The Work-from-Home Woes
“Working from home = wearing pajamas 24/7.”
47. The Online Learning Loop
“Online classes are just staring at a screen and hoping something sticks.”
48. The Ultimate Convenience
“Why go out when you can order in?”
49. The Snack Stash
“My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.”
50. The Bedtime Battle
“Trying to fall asleep and suddenly remembering every awkward thing I’ve ever done.”
51. The Perfect Plan
“Plan A: Make a plan. Plan B: Wing it.”
52. The Social Distancing Dilemma
“Social distancing made me realize how much I was already practicing it.”
Hope these tweets brought a smile to your face! Keep laughing and check back with The How-To Zone for more giggles.
