Women Are The Funniest Creatures On The Planet, And These 29 Tweets In September Prove It
1. @jennapoolie
My toxic trait is thinking I can fit everything in one trip from the car.
2. @molly7anne
Me: “I’m going to bed early tonight.” Also me at 2 AM: “Let’s rewatch all of Friends.”
3. @kristenarnett
Every day I wake up and think, “Why am I like this?”
4. @emiliesobel
Just saw a dog with a job and now I’m questioning all my life choices.
5. @alyssalimp
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but take a nap. You’ll feel better.
6. @thebriannaholt
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of credit card payments.
7. @natalie_walker
How do people have their lives together? I’m struggling to keep my phone charged.
8. @danielleweisber
I’ve decided my favorite thing to say is “I’m over it” when I was never under it in the first place.
9. @sydneyrachel
My brain has too many tabs open and I can’t find the one playing music.
10. @carolineplz
Therapist: “And what do we do when we’re sad?” Me: “Add to cart.”
11. @rachelmillman
I don’t need a mood ring. I have a face.
12. @ashleyn1cole
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.
13. @molliegoodfellow
I’m not an early bird or a night owl. I’m some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.
14. @laurenthehough
Life hack: If you don’t know what you’re doing, neither does anyone else.
15. @kristengoes
Why isn’t there a Netflix category called “Easy to follow while scrolling through your phone”?
16. @jessokfine
I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s not flying.
17. @melissastetten
Sometimes I just want someone to look at me the way I look at the last slice of pizza.
18. @amandamull
Being an adult is basically just Googling how to do stuff.
19. @juliamoskin
When I say “The other day,” I could mean anything from yesterday to 5 years ago.
20. @annadrezen
Don’t you wish your laundry would fold itself and put itself away? That’s the dream.
21. @chaneldubofsky
Do you ever just stare at a text and think, “I’m not ready for this kind of commitment”?
22. @liz_hackett
I’m at that point in my life where “running errands” counts as a night out.
23. @erinmallorylong
Why don’t more people appreciate the effort it takes to be this unproductive?
24. @meganamram
My goal in life is to have enough money to forget it’s payday.
25. @eliza_skinner
If you see me running, please kill whatever is chasing me.
26. @ellorysmith
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
27. @kaitlinwitcher
Someone asked me if I wanted a free yoga class, and I said, “No thanks, I have anxiety.”
28. @briannabooth
Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I put my keys in the fridge.
29. @katiebiegel
My favorite childhood memory is not having to pay bills.
There you have it! These tweets prove that women are indeed the funniest creatures on the planet. Keep laughing and sharing the joy!
